Have you had a good conversation lately? Jump to the comments below and share your favorite topics!

And for more everyday inspiration, subscribe to The Daily Good—a 30-second newsletter delivered to your inbox each morning with tips for self-care and sustainable living. 🌿

Conversation Topics For Anyone

1. Which scent do you find the most soothing?

2. What is a language you love to listen to even if you don’t speak or understand it?

3. Oceans or mountains? Why?

4. Describe the most captivating painting or artwork you’ve ever seen.

5. Do you remember the first novel you ever read? If so, what was it?

6. What is your favorite thing about your personality?

“What is your favorite thing about your personality?”

7. If you could have a fictional superhero for a best friend, who would it be?

8. What color would you choose to describe yourself?

9. What is something you have accomplished as an adult that your younger self would be proud of?

10. Is there a place in the world that you feel most represents who you are?

11. Where is one place you’d love to travel to again?

12. If your pet could talk, what would their voice sound like? What would they say about you?

13. What does your name mean?

14. What tasks make you feel like your best self?

15. What’s your Enneagram number and how does it influence your self-care practices?

16. Where do you feel most centered and happy?

17. What’s your favorite comfort food?

18. What do you wear when you’re feeling your very best, and why?

19. What is the best meal you’ve ever had, and what’s the best meal you’ve ever cooked for yourself?

20. What do you love most about your home?

“What do you love most about your home?”

21. What’s a yearbook-style superlative you’d give to your high school self? What’s one for your current self?

22. What gives you goosebumps?

23. Do you know your astrology sign? How about your birth chart?

24. How are you consciously practicing sustainability?

25. Do you have any tattoos?

26. Scuba diving or skydiving?

27. What are you most grateful for in this season of life?

28. Do you give back or volunteer with any organizations?

29. What’s your love language?

Conversation Topics For Friends

30. What do you look for and need in your friendships?

31. How do you feel that you best offer love and support to your friends?

32. Tell me about your childhood best friend.

33. When do you feel most authentically yourself?

34. What’s one form of self-expression you’ve been too hesitant to explore?

“What’s one habit you want to get rid of and one habit you want to keep?”

35. What’s one habit you want to get rid of and one habit you want to keep?

36. What was your first experience with sex like?

37. If you were to perform a duet with a famous musician, who would it be and why?

38. Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, what do you think they are trying to tell you?

39. Who do you most admire, and how has that impacted the way you live your life?

Mindful Conversation Topics for Your Parents

40. What’s one thing you’d tell yourself at my age? What’s one thing your younger self would tell you?

41. What do you wish you’d known before having kids?

42. What was the first big purchase you made as an adult?

43. How did you know when you fell in love?

“What was the first big purchase you made as an adult?”

44. Have you kept any memorabilia from your childhood?

45. What do you miss most about being a child? A teenager? My age?

46. What about the current world would be most surprising to your younger self?

47. If you could travel back in time, which part of your life would you go back to?

48. Who did you vote for in past elections? Why?

49. What are some of your favorite memories about your parents?

Conversation Topics For Kids

50. If you could have one cartoon character be your real-life best friend, who would you choose and why?

51. What’s your earliest memory?

52. What do you love most about school?

53. Who are your best friends?

“What does a perfect day with the family look like?”

54. What is your favorite season?

55. What superpower do you wish you had?

56. What do you want to be when you grow up?

57. If you could have any animal as a pet, which would you choose and why?

58. What does a perfect day with the family look like?

59. What do you love most about our house?

Conversation Topics For Date Night

60. How do you feel best supported in hard times?

61. What does “alone time” look like for you?

62. Dogs or cats (or rabbits)?

63. What do you wish people better understood about you?

“What does ‘alone time’ look like for you?”

64. What lessons from your childhood have most impacted your worldview?

65. If we could live in another country for a year (no strings attached), where would we go?

66. What do you love most about our relationship? What do you wish to work on?

67. What small joys bring light to your day?

68. How can we better practice sustainability as a couple?

69. What’s a favorite memory you have of us together?

Conversation Topics For Siblings

70. What’s one of your favorite memories from our childhood?

71. What do you think everyone in the family will be doing 10 years from now?

“Which characteristics do you think you inherited from our parents?”

72. Do you have a morning routine?

73. What was your favorite subject in school? Favorite teacher?

74. Which characteristics do you think you inherited from our parents?

75. If you could return to school, what would you study?

76. What Netflix show or movie are you watching?

77. What are you currently reading?

78. What food reminds you most of home?

79. What do you love most about yourself?

Conversation Topics For Work

80. What accomplishments are you most proud of?

81. What projects are you working on right now that bring you joy?

82. How do you unwind after work?

83. Do you listen to any podcasts during your commute? If so, which ones?

“How do you track your work goals and accomplishments?”

84. What do you enjoy most about our company?

85. Where do you need support that you’re not getting it?

86. How do you track your work goals and accomplishments?

87. Do you enjoy networking? Why or why not?

88. What was your very first job?

89. What skills are you focused on cultivating right now?

Conversation Topics For Strangers

90. How are you truly doing?

91. What’s one act of kindness you experienced today?

92. What do you do for enjoyment?

93. Do you recharge by being around other people or by spending time alone?

“What is the compliment you receive most often?”

94. If you had a day to yourself, what would it look like, where would you go, and what would you do?

95. What is the compliment you receive most often?

96. Do you collect anything?

97. What was the last movie you watched?

98. What’s one thing your loved ones would be surprised to learn about you?

99. If you woke up one morning and all your problems were solved, how would go about your day?

Kayti Christian (she/her) is a Senior Editor at The Good Trade. She has a Master’s in Nonfiction Writing from the University of London and is the creator of Feelings Not Aside, a newsletter for sensitive people.

The post 99 Mindful Conversation Topics For Deeper Connections appeared first on The Good Trade.

Relationship & marriage counseling is perfectly normal. Romantic comedies often paint relationships as easy—effortless, even. But the truth is that a commitment to someone isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it kind of thing. Relationships require maintenance, especially after the changes we all experienced in the past few years. 

Perhaps you’ve mastered the art of open and honest communication or your shared love languages with your partner. If so, congratulations—you’ve cracked the age-old code! If you’re finding it to be a particular challenge though, know that you’re not alone. Every partnership has annoyances, complications, and miscommunications—you’re each growing! And, whether it’s a big hurdle or a small hiccup, couples therapy can help you return to smoother sailing.

Online couples therapy, especially, can be a great option for people seeking accessible ways to improve their relationships.

“Just remember: there is no shame in seeking help—and going to therapy together isn’t a sign of failure.”

Whether you need mediation for discussions around parenting, emotional connection, or even if you’re looking to improve your sex life, there’s a therapist who can support you. (You can even find a professional to help transition you through a separation mindfully.) 

Just remember: There is no shame in seeking help—and going to therapy together isn’t a sign of failure. Below are five of our favorite options for finding relationship help online.

Be sure to also check out our list of affordable online therapy for individuals (because a relationship is only as healthy as the people who are in it!). If you are seeking a therapist with your shared experience, you can search for therapists via Inclusive Therapists and the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network. Or, if you’d prefer to meet with a therapist in person or in a hybrid setting, here’s our go-to guide on finding the therapist right for you.

1. Regain 

Best For | Quick counselor matching (& free counselor changes)
Features | All therapists have a Masters Degree or a Doctoral Degree, options for anonymity
Pricing | Approximately $80 to $100 per week, billed every 4 weeks

As part of the BetterHelp network (a top choice for individual online therapy), Regain was specifically created with couples in mind. Fill out a survey with your current relationship needs and get matched with a counselor in less than 24 hours. Your therapist will be licensed and certified, and has experience in relationship counseling—so you can navigate any chapter (whether it’s together on a joint account, or you’re doing some work on your own!).

2. Talkspace

Best For | Direct messaging with therapists
Features | Relationship, marriage, or premarital counseling, HIPAA compliant, SSR encryption, text messaging or video sessions
Pricing | $69 to $129 per week

Knowing where to start can be half the battle, and Talkspace’s couples therapy can help you identify the issues in your relationship. You can seek support for yourself as an individual, or work with your partner and an unbiased professional to open new paths of communication, restore trust, and find solutions that work for your relationship. Talkspace offers both video sessions and accessible messaging, so you can get support no matter what your schedule looks like.

3. Couples Therapy Inc.

Best For | Coaching & sex therapy
Features | Evidence-based retreats, courses, & intensive therapy sessions, multiple languages & countries served, in-person options
Pricing | Approximately $119 to $199 for a 55-minute session

Working with couples isn’t a niche service for Couples Therapy Inc—it’s the core focus of this team of Gottman-certified clinicians. After the founder herself experienced sub-par couples counseling, she devoted her practice to science-based coaching, therapy, and retreats (including online retreats). Couples Therapy Inc. offers services in the USA, Canada, Ireland, and Australia.

4. Open Path

Best For | Affordable therapy
Features | Online & in-person services, nonprofit network 
Pricing | One-time $59 membership fee; starting at $30 per session

While not exclusively online, Open Path is a nonprofit network of mental health professionals offering affordable psychotherapy options for low- and middle-income patients. You’ll find your next therapist through the search function (be sure to search for providers in the state in which you live). Open Path is excellent for people with financial limitations, charging only $30–$80 per session for couples after the one-time registration fee.

5. Lasting

Best For | Self-guided relationship counseling
Features | iPhone & Android app, free trial, research-based sessions & courses, individual therapy options
Pricing | Plans starting at $29.99 per month

Lasting’s aim is simple: to “show everyone how to love better,” through its couples counseling app. While you won’t speak directly with a counselor, this app is designed by therapists for couples (and couples’ therapists!) to support a deeper, more communicative partnership. Use Lasting on its own and enjoy the workshops and courses on topics like repair, family culture, and sexual desire, or pair it with other virtual or in-person sessions for even greater accountability and long-term support.

The post 5 Affordable Couples Therapy Options For Online Counseling appeared first on The Good Trade.

When it comes to choosing the perfect engagement ring, there are both human rights and environmental concerns to be considered. The harvesting of diamonds has a history of fueling conflict, and the mining of precious metals is often damaging to the environment. Beyond this, miners are frequently denied fair wages and adequate health and safety provisions.

For socially conscious couples, an ethically sourced engagement ring is a must and, thankfully, there is a range of stunning and affordable options. These jewelry companies source recycled or fair trade gold, as well as vintage and conflict-free diamonds and jewels. Many of these brands are also green-certified and give back to local communities and environmental projects.

Additionally, secondhand rings from auction sites like eBay, vintage finds on Etsy, and online or local consignment shops are a great option if you’re looking for something that’s new-to-you without the new carbon footprint.

For further ethical & sustainable wedding brands, check out our guide to eco-friendly wedding dresses!

Best Overall | Best For Vintage | Best For Custom

1. Mejuri

Ethics | Conflict-free diamonds, ethically sourced gemstones & recycled metals, fair labor
Best For | Affordable rings for all genders
Price Range | $48–$2500+

Mejuri’s fine jewelry is more than just “fine”… it’s impeccable. In addition to everyday pieces, you can find engagement rings and bands for all genders. Rings are made with ethically sourced natural gemstones and conflict-free diamonds, and 80 percent of gold used is recycled (the other 20 percent is certified responsible, too). Production takes place around the world in India, Italy, and Korea (to name a few) where makers have safe and fair working environments. Mejuri also gives back to BIPOC women and nonbinary folks through its Empowerment Fund. Get a ring that will have a lifetime of memories and impact.

2. Vintage Engagement Rings on Etsy

Ethics | Sustainable, carbon-neutral shipping
Best For | Unique & antique rings
Price Range | Varies

One of the simplest ways to become more sustainable (and create less waste) is to wear and use your items for longer. And this can include your jewelry! On Etsy, engagement rings from all over the world are given a second life. As shoppers can filter their options by desired gemstone, shape, band material, price, and more, you’re bound to find something you’ll love. Some of our favorites include Estate Antique Jewelry, Cileone Jewelry, and Pebble and Polish. As a certified B Corp, Etsy also offsets 100 percent of carbon emissions from shipping, so every time you make a purchase you’re creating a positive environmental impact.

3. Brilliant Earth

Ethics | Recycled precious metals, conflict-free stones, certified CarbonFree, eco-friendly wood packaging
Best For | Conflict-free gemstones
Price Range | $450–$6250

Brilliant Earth is a pioneer in ethical jewelry, one of the first to provide traceability and always going above and beyond the industry benchmarks of conflict-free gems. They adhere to strict guidelines for mining practices and standards that ensure their gems have ethical and environmentally responsible origins. If the provenance of your diamond is something you care about, you will have no trouble tracing your Brilliant Earth gem: claims for natural diamonds, recycled gold, and recycled diamonds are independently audited and verified, so you know you can trust them!

The Good Trade Partner

4. Aurate

Ethics | Rigorous social responsibility standards, diamond traceability, recycled gold, gives back
Best For | Minimalist wedding bands made in the USA
Price Range | $65–$6600

Aurate believes you shouldn’t have to choose between high quality, fair pricing, and doing good when it comes to purchasing jewelry. The brand goes beyond the Kimberley Process and tracks every natural diamond from mine to its local New York workshop to ensure it comes from verifiably ethical and environmentally sound sources; you can also choose from lab-grown diamonds if that’s your preference. Every ring comes with a certificate of authenticity, and Aurate’s proceeds regularly support orgs like Mastery Charter and She Should Run.

5. Bario Neal 

Ethics | Fairmined Certified & recycled gold, sustainable & traceable materials, gives back to various causes
Best For | Customized & cluster rings
Price Range | $110–$24000+

A longtime supporter of LGBTQ+ rights and worldwide marriage equality, Philadelphia- and Brooklyn-based jeweler Bario Neal can craft custom rings truly reflective of our relationships—from personalizations to reworking heirloom materials. The women-owned company also uses recycled metals, traceable stones, and Fairmined certified gold for its handmade pieces. And we don’t know anyone who can curate a cluster ring quite like this. If you’re feeling a little lost on how to even start ring shopping, we spoke with Bario Neal to determine some helpful questions to guide your journey!

The Good Trade Partner

6. Catbird

Ethics | Recycled & fair trade gold, conflict-free stones, works with in-house artisans & small businesses, gives back via Catbird Giving Fund
Best For | Variety of designers & styles
Price Range | $225–$13400

Catbird has been based out of Brooklyn for the last 18 years, and the brand only keeps growing. Many pieces are handmade in a small Brooklyn studio, using fair-trade and recycled gold, while all of the stones are conflict-free. Its inventory of engagement rings is crafted by a variety of designers like Erstwhile, Gillian Conroy, and Kataoka, in addition to the Catbird Wedding line. Named after princesses, swans, and fairytales, your partner will feel like royalty with one of these beautiful and exquisite pieces.

7. Taylor & Hart

Ethics | Ethically sourced & lab-grown diamonds, Fairtrade certified gold, sustainable & recycled metals
Best For | Custom rings
Price Range | $650–$13495

An utterly bespoke process, we love that Taylor & Hart walks you through creating your perfect piece. The company goes beyond the Kimberley Process to ensure that the diamonds are conflict-free, and believes that by purchasing an ethically crafted ring, one of the greatest moments of your life can also be a small step towards a better world. Taylor & Hart will work closely with you through personal consultation to design the perfect ring within four weeks.

8. James Allen

Ethics | Conflict-free & lab-grown diamonds
Best For | Designer collections, loose diamonds, lifetime warranty, 24/7 customer service
Price Range | $240–$7410 (setting only)

Since 2006, the four minds behind James Allen have turned the brand from an idea to the largest privately held online diamond retailer worldwide. With more than 200,000 conflict-free diamonds, every setting imaginable, pre-made designer collections, and even loose diamonds, you can create the ring of your dreams with confidence. Even better: James Allen offers 24/7 customer service with real-time inspection, so you can see what gemologists are seeing. There’s a 100 percent money-back guarantee if you’re not happy for any reason. It’s no secret why James Allen has grown to be one of the most reputable conflict-free retailers in the world.

9. Vrai

Ethics | Ethical labor practices, lab-grown diamonds, gives back to various causes, zero carbon emissions during production
Best For | Simple, clean styles
Price Range | $195–$6600

Committed to transparency and quality, Vrai (truth in French; gold in Spanish) crafts engagement rings without the markups. The collection includes pieces with either white or black diamonds, stacking rings, and various stone sizes, striking the perfect balance between simple and unique. Made in the USA with lab-created diamonds from Diamond Foundry (also made in the USA), getting back to basics has never been easier.

10. Sofia Kaman

Ethics | Ethically sourced, recycled metals, conflict-free & lab-grown diamonds
Best For | One-of-a-kind rings
Price Range | $350–$39700

If you’re looking for an eco-friendly ring, Sofia Kaman has a lot to offer. Whether you want a band made of recycled metal or an antique gem that won’t result in any additional environmental costs, the company’s selections are romantic, modern, and everything in between. And they’re all handcrafted in Los Angeles. When it comes to diamonds, Sofia Kaman sources its stones through dealers who abide by the Kimberley Process and can guarantee them to be conflict-free. Or, you can work with the company to create a custom ring using a lab-grown diamond that was made with renewable energy!

11. Valerie Madison

Ethics | Recycled & conflict-free diamonds, ethically sourced gems & stones, uses recycled metals, low waste packaging
Best For | Responsibly sourced diamond alternatives
Price Range | $475–$25610

If mainstream diamonds aren’t your best friend, we recommend Valerie Madison’s gorgeous alternative engagement rings. The brand’s rings and bands are made with recycled gold and diamonds, ethically sourced gems, and diamond alternatives such as lab-produced Moissanite. Choose from an array of pre-made stunners, or create a custom one of your own (see past custom orders here), with beautiful options like salt & pepper diamonds, teal sapphires, or lavender spinel. If you live near Seattle, you can also schedule a consultation or pick-up at Valerie Madison’s new showroom in the Madrona neighborhood to further lower your carbon footprint. 

12. Aether Diamonds

Ethics | Certified B Corp, carbon-extracted diamonds, responsibly sourced & fairmined metals, sustainable packaging, safe & fair working conditions
Best For | Luxury rings, carbon-made loose diamonds
Price Range | $700–$26898+

While Aether Diamonds is based in NYC, it’s not part of the mainstream Diamond District. That’s because Aether creates diamonds out of thin air—yes, literally. This certified B corp takes carbon out from the air, which then goes through hydrocarbon synthesis and clean energy-powered reactors. Within a few weeks, voila, modern alchemy! The diamonds are then placed in sustainably sourced settings, and even the packaging is either biodegradable or made with vegan materials. For luxury diamonds that are a cut (hah!) above the rest, check out Aether.

13. Automic Gold

Ethics | 100 percent recycled gold, ethically sourced gems & stones, recyclable packaging
Best For | Size- & gender-inclusive rings
Price Range | $119–$1250

Automic Gold is redefining what it means to be inclusive, and we are here for it. This queer-owned brand handcrafts all sorts of sustainable fine jewelry out of its NYC studio, including earrings, necklaces, and of course, wedding rings. Responsibly sourced, all gold is certified recycled, diamonds are completely natural, and gemstones are ethically mined—and it’s all well-priced! Offering customization, engraving, and inclusive size options (2–16), there are rings for every gender, size, and style.

14. WWAKE

Ethics | Recycled diamonds & natural stones, recycled & Fairmined gold, local production, safe & fair working conditions, gives back to marginalized communities
Best For | Extra-thin or extra-chunky rings
Price Range | $140–$32046

Stared by Wing Yau in 2012, WWAKE was built with the dream to “merge art with the intimacy of jewelry.” That ethos shines through most clearly in its unique line of wedding and engagement rings. Whether you prefer delicate bands with beautiful gemstones or chunky rings with a standout diamond, WWAKE makes options for every hand (or partner!). Every piece is handmade in its NYC to keep its carbon footprint as low as possible. Schedule a virtual consultation, stop by its Brooklyn studio, or see its inventory at Catbird—one of our other favorites for romantic jewelry.

15. Jennie Kwon Designs

Ethics | Fairmined gold, ethically sourced & conflict-free stones, made-to-order in Los Angeles
Best For | Antique-inspired designs
Price Range | $175–$10500

If art-deco spaces, Victorian-era jewelry, and Grecian design make your heart swoon, then you’ll love Jennie Kwon Designs. With a focus on “thoughtful jewelry with a soul,” this sustainable brand carries hundreds of stunners and made-to-order pieces for that special one in your life. Only ethically sourced and conflict-free stones as well as fair trade and Fairmined gold are used, so you can rest easy and support this woman-owned and led brand.

The post 15 Ethical Engagement Rings That Are Sustainable And Conflict-Free appeared first on The Good Trade.

It can sometimes feel impossible to find the perfect gift for the person you want to celebrate most. Whether an aunt, a teacher, or another figure who helped mother and care for you at crucial crossroads in your life, Mother’s Day is the yearly reminder to pause and show them you appreciate their love.

We’ve pulled together some of our favorite treats and goodies from sustainable brands that will help us celebrate guilt-free. From cozy knits to tasty snacks, innovative sleep lamps and whimsical decor, we’ve got you covered to find the perfect token of your love and appreciation for the mama in your life.

1. Variety Snacking Gems, $34 | Hu Kitchen Chocolates

Does Mama have a sweet tooth? Gift her these high-quality snacking gems, the perfect fix for when the afternoon snack attack hits. With only the simplest, finest ingredients (no refined sugar, sugar alcohols, or soy lecithin, for starters), these organic, fair trade, gluten-free chocolates come in perfectly portioned single-serving size bags. The variety pack has two mint, two salty, and two simple, and are dreamy, vegan, and the perfect way to tell your mom to treat herself.

2. Giving Goddess Self-Care Kit, $32 | Saje

What better way to honor the woman who was your own “Giving Goddess” than with a luxurious self-care kit from Saje? This three-piece collection includes a jasmine, neroli, and ylang ylang roll-on to uplift her spirits; a soothing fizzy bath bomb; and a rose mist that will hydrate and nourish her skin. Treat her like the goddess she is with these sensuous aromatherapy goods.

The Good Trade Partner

3. Mama Pendant, $95–$450 | Brilliant Earth

Looking to really splurge this year on something she’ll treasure forever? We love this gorgeous necklace from sustainable jewelry brand Brilliant Earth. With the word “mama” in a timeless script, this piece comes in sterling silver or 14K yellow gold, ethically made from recycled precious metals. And if you act fast, you can snag it during the brand’s 10 Days Of Gifting and receive a gifted jewelry item with your purchase from 5/2-5/11. (Mommy and me is not just for littles!)

The Good Trade Partner

4. Mosser Glass Bathing Beauty Dish, $40 | Food 52

It’s all in the details, and these adorable little glass dishes are the perfect blend of practical and whimsical. Help your mama create a gorgeous moment with her jewelry on her nightstand, or add a fun point of interest to the hand soap in the powder room with these dishes shaped like bathing beauties. Or if your mama is the entertaining type, use these to hold olives, nuts, after-dinner mints, or even toothpicks to make any tablescape just that much more festive.

5. The Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck, $20 | Bookshop

While we are all inherently worthy of rest, it can be hard to break the habit of constantly being productive and checking off the to-do list. Enter the Nap Ministry. From author and activist Tricia Hersey, rest is presented as resistance: to grind culture, to social injustice, and to the idea that our value is somehow tied to our output. This extraordinary deck inspires, affirms, and connects your body and your mind so that you can truly pause and rest.

6. The Staycation Short Robe, $68 | Pact

Available in three beautiful prints, this luxurious and cute robe from TGT fave Pact will make any day spent at home feel like a cozy staycation. The super soft jersey knit has pockets and a removable belt, and it’s made in a fair trade factory from GOTS certified organic cotton. Upgrade your mom’s morning coffee with this beautiful robe (psst, there are matching sleep pants if she’s into pairing her jammies!).

7. Loftie Lamp, $249 | Loftie

For a deep sleep and gentle wake-up, we love the Loftie Lamp. This beautiful lamp is programmed to help guide your sleep cycles from dusk to dawn, with reading and wind-down modes, a red light mode that helps the body produce melatonin, and a sunrise alarm that gradually and gently wakes with a soft light that mimics the sun. With all the digital features we’ve come to rely on, but an analog feel and look, this is a lamp for even the most tech-nervous folks who are looking for light-based sleep support.

8. Pom Flower Bouquet, $28 | VERLOOP

Want the ceremony of cut flowers without the expiration date? We love this pom flower bouquet from VERLOOP. Perfect for the quirky, fun mama who loves a good knit, these colorful poms are made from deadstock acrylic yarn and set on sturdy yet flexible 12″ wire. Coming in two colorways that help provide a pop of vibrancy to any room, there are six poms in each bouquet. Pop ’em in a milk glass vase, and your mom can enjoy them for years to come.

9. Classic Easy Tote, $248 | Cuyana

For the lady who likes to be prepared, you can’t go wrong with this timeless tote from Cuyana. Made to last a lifetime, this versatile and beautiful bag is soft, lightweight, and designed to go anywhere. Choose from five classic colorways that never go out of style, or pick from one of the limited-release palettes like dark coral, sage, or biscuit–– perfect for the practical yet stylish mama who likes to stand out!

10. Hammered Signet Ring, $56–$64 | Hello Adorn

For a sentimental gift that she’ll wear every day, we love this dainty signet ring from Hello Adorn. Coming in sterling silver or 14K gold fill, each ring is handmade in Eau Claire, WI and made to order to eliminate waste. There is room to hand-stamp one initial per ring, so it would be a great sibling gift: what better way to keep the love of her children close than with this delicate reminder on her finger?

11. Cotton Weighted Blanket, $199–$279 | Bearaby

Oh, we love a nap blanket at TGT, and the weighted one from Bearaby is a particular fave! Give your mom the gift of a warm bear hug for her afternoon snooze with this absolutely gorgeous, cozy blanket. Choose from six calming colors and four weights, all in beautifully knit organic cotton. Made without fillers, this gift is as luxurious and soft as they come.

The post 11 Mother’s Day Gift Ideas From Sustainable Brands appeared first on The Good Trade.

So we download. We give it a go, burn out, delete, redownload a few months later, and the cycle continues. 

“I knew there had to be a way to reframe love online and engage the process without sacrificing my internal sense of balance.”

I’ve done my time in the trenches with the usual suspects of Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and a slew of others with nothing more to show for it than a few short-term flings, a tally of subpar first dates, and calluses on my thumbs from endless messaging.

Going into it, I knew this synthetic method of dating was not designed for my peak mental and emotional health. But when meeting people in real life is a whole other mountain to climb, I couldn’t turn my nose up at the convenience and utility these digital tools offer. However, I knew there had to be a way to reframe love online and engage the process without sacrificing my internal sense of balance.

If you’re with me in giving the apps a go, here are three guiding lights to help you maintain your sanity as you swipe:

Rehumanize the process

Picture this: you collapse onto the couch after a long day of work. You need a quick break before you whip up dinner. You open your phone to have a look at a few profiles. Immediately you bypass the first few options with condemning swipes to the left. These curated details of someone’s “love resume”—their interests, hobbies, and the best photos they have to offer–are all dismissed in an instant. 

It’s as easy as swatting away a fly.

One key to remaining grounded in your dating app journey is to rehumanize the process of searching for love online. 

“I intentionally began to remind myself there was a beating heart on the other side of every profile.”

Matthew Hussey, dating expert and author of Get the Guy, offers these words of caution to a fed-up online dater, “I want to be very careful about divorcing real life from the online life because I think it’s that kind of psychology is what makes us treat online dating like it’s a videogame and real life like it’s this big scary thing. The problem is, is that the process of online dating and apps dehumanize people.” 

When I first dipped my toes into the apps, I struggled with how they forced me to judge people’s limited, 2D representations of themselves. The mindset of swiping and the habit of taking only milliseconds to develop a whole idea about a person began to bleed into my face-to-face interactions and the everyday souls I came across. 

Once I intentionally began to remind myself there was a beating heart on the other side of every profile, I no longer brushed past potentially decent matches. I realized if I couldn’t be bothered to give each profile a fair look, I ran the risk of missing the point entirely: connecting with a dynamic human being.

We may not be dazzled at first glance. However, to keep a grip on our sanity in this virtual matchmaking, we must see the human beyond the photos and our snap judgments—just as we hope they’ll do when coming across our profiles. 

Put a spin on messaging

Say you have a handful of hopeful dates in your inbox. Now comes the dreaded messaging phase. Unfortunately, many chats read as follows:

How is anyone supposed to fall in love when a conversation with your accountant is more invigorating than this? Switching up our approach to messaging will help make the back-and-forth bearable and hopefully, even enjoyable.

Take this pointer from the creator of Science of People, Vanessa Van Edwards, when she writes in her book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People: “We stick to social scripts out of habit. The best conversations have specific jolts of energy and excitement.” 

Consider how it would feel to receive one of these messages on a dating app: 

I’ve learned that half the battle of the early stages of dating is learning how to create an interaction that keeps both parties engaged. 

“This lighthearted question gave me a window into who my matches were much quicker than generic conversation starters.”

I recently messaged my handful of matches: “I’m curious. What game show do you feel confident you’d win?” and received entertaining replies like, “I’ve been training for Family Feud my whole life. I’m winning that Ford Fusion no matter what.” Or another read, “I watch Wheel of Fortune with my grandma when I visit her every week, but I know stage fright would get the best of me, and I’d forget how to spell the moment I was up there.” 

This lighthearted question gave me a window into who my matches were much quicker than generic conversation starters. In the same way, Van Edwards encourages her readers to think outside the box regarding how they begin interactions, divulging a meaty list of 57 ideas to get us started. 

Asking off-the-wall questions can liven up the dullness of the messaging phase and zest up our inboxes, making them something we look forward to opening. 

Learn how to stomach ghosting

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, “ghosting” refers to the sudden disappearance of a relationship. On dating apps, this looks like a user who loses interest and lets their silence communicate it. Ghosters suddenly don’t answer messages or calls and seemingly fall off the grid. They vanish, and you’re left with zero explanation and zero closure. It’s a common experience but not an easy one to endure. 

Being ghosted can send us into the spiral of: “Why did they pull away? What did I do? How can I fix it?” But to keep our peace while online love-seeking, we must learn how to reframe the experience of being ghosted.

While not every stage of the online dating process requires a direct conversation, understand that when a connection is at a point where the disappearance stings, ghosting says much more about the ghoster than the ghosted. 

Organizational psychologist Adam Grant notes “Ghosting is cowardice plus selfishness. It protects them from awkwardness and deprives you of closure. Silence doesn’t avoid conflict. It offloads it onto the person who’s ghosted.”

“Ghosting is cowardice plus selfishness. It protects them from awkwardness and deprives you of closure. Silence doesn’t avoid conflict. It offloads it onto the person who’s ghosted.”

– Adam Grant

How can we reframe this pain? 

One key I found is shifting my perspective to be thankful that this user showed their true colors sooner rather than later. It’s not easy rejecting someone; however, ambiguity and silence are inadequate tools for kind communication. People are demonstrating who they are one hundred percent of the time. It’s better to recognize a dater’s unwillingness to have a difficult conversation now than months or years later. 

If you find yourself sitting on unanswered messages, practice seeing the ghoster’s disappearing act as a helpful indication that they lack the tools to participate in a mature relationship. Count yourself lucky. 

Godspeed on your swiping

Learning when to pause the pursuit of love online is equally as important as engaging in it. Dating apps won’t be a fit for everyone at every stage of life, and taking a step away is the ball that forever remains in your court. Tools, however unconventional, should always add to your life rather than burden it. 

In all, dating apps are a circus, and while they may feel like a necessary evil, there are ways to maintain our peace and sanity within the swirl of their chaos.

As we rehumanize the process, spark a connection with dynamic questions, and reframe the disappointment when things fizzle out, we can wield the apps as the tools they’re meant to be—and we can keep our peace while doing it. 

Cheyanne Solis is a writer from California. When she’s not planning weddings or acting like a grandpa by bird-watching in the park with a copy of the Sunday Times, she is falling into fascination about the human experience, working to write words to wrap around it all. 

The post Sick of Swiping? Here’s How To Maintain Your Composure On Dating Apps appeared first on The Good Trade.

You’re older, you’re different, and all of your former selves feel little more than distant memories. When you roll over and see the person lying next to you, you realize that they too have changed. It’s not necessarily a bad thing—this unfamiliar face in your bed—it’s just that they no longer resemble the person you fell in love with years, or even decades ago.

By the time you read this, my husband and I will be toasting drinks somewhere along the coast of Mexico. This year is our 12th wedding anniversary, and so we’ve planned a seaside escape to reflect on the vows we once exchanged. But our journey to get here hasn’t always been a walk on the beach, if you will. Far from it.

When we met 14 years ago, it was a frigid January day, and the Colorado sky looked so clear you could almost drink it. Our meet-cute blossomed into a fleeting summer romance, as summer romances generally are, and by the fall, I moved away for college. In an effort to stay together, we tempted fate and tried our luck at long distance—and it worked. Two years later, we were married under that same Colorado sky, this time peppered with thunderclouds.

As we grew individually, we also moved in different directions. There were many seasons when my husband and I didn’t understand or recognize one another. It was challenging during these questioning moments to remain steady, and I often found myself wondering: How will we ever find our way back to each other?  

But people change; we’re not meant to remain static. Life experiences and challenges shape us, molding us into many versions of ourselves. Like clay, we remain pliable and morph into surprising shapes, even when we convince ourselves we’ve been cast in our final form. And this is also true of our partners. Staying together wasn’t always the easiest option, but it was during these moments of immense change we discovered this truth: Growth—both as individuals and as a couple—doesn’t come without its reward. It isn’t easy, but it can be worth it.

Of course, not all relationships last forever, and each person and couple knows what’s best for their journey. For my husband and me, we knew our path forward included the other person by our side—even if we didn’t recognize that person any longer. We only needed to learn how to grow together, even as we grew apart from our former selves.

Navigating Growth With Your Partner

1. Be honest with yourself and your partner.

Early on in my marriage, when I first began questioning some of the religious beliefs that I grew up with, I told my partner. It wasn’t one big conversation, but rather hundreds of small chats over many months. It was scary at first—and we weren’t always on the same page—but it was also comforting to have someone witness the change that was happening inside me. And by talking about my journey, my husband and I felt closer to each other. 

2. Continue to take an interest in one another. 

My husband is still the same adventurous and goofy person he was the day we met. But, in the last decade, he’s also taken up new hobbies, changed political parties, and discovered he loves the mountains more than the ocean.

Some things stay the same, and some change—in ourselves, in our relationships, and in our partners. But we can continue taking an interest in one another; we can ask about these changes and take notice of growth.

“Remember how it was when you first fell in love.”

That said, date your partner! Remember how it was when you first fell in love. Send flirty texts, dress up and try new restaurants, take trips to familiar cities and to places you’ve never been. Continue asking the deep questions and also the lighthearted ones. 

3. Give yourself space to grow together, and also separately.

As you grow alongside your partner, take time to nourish self-growth outside of your relationship, too. While our relationships complement us, they do not complete us, and we must first nurture ourselves before we can adequately care for our partners. Here are a few tips for cultivating independence in a long-term relationship.

Likewise, in seasons of growth, prioritize solo time. But instead of viewing it as “time apart,” treat it as breathing room, or rather space to process change and come back to your relationship with clarity. Sometimes this can look like an afternoon or weekend away; in other instances, it can look like weeks apart. Space will be unique to each relationship, but it can ultimately help in seasons where you may be overwhelmed by your or your partner’s evolution.

4. Rely on your community and relationship resources.

Sometimes, growing together is hard, like really hard. And it’s during these moments when your outside community and even relationship resources can feel necessary for survival. No couple is an island, and there will be times when you feel stuck or like your partner is growing in ways that don’t make sense to you. Alternatively, you may find yourself changing in ways that feel impossible to articulate.

Growth is often accompanied by many emotions and feelings, and it can be helpful to lean into our communities for support. Other couple friends can be a wonderful gift in trying seasons, and therapists can help navigate hard conversations if that’s an option for you.

5. Celebrate (and grieve the loss of) who you once were—together and as a couple.

Finally, grief comes with realizing you and your partner are no longer the people you once were. But there is also freedom in allowing yourself to admit that truth.

It’s okay to take time to process the change, but rather than trying to return to the past, focus on how far you’ve come. Celebrate who you both once were—as individuals and as a couple—and grieve for what is no longer, if you must. Thank your former self and your former partner for bringing you to where you both are today. 

Kayti Christian (she/her) is the Managing Editor at The Good Trade. She has a Master’s in Nonfiction Writing from the University of London and is the creator of Feelings Not Aside, a newsletter for sensitive people.

The post How To Grow Alongside Your Partner—Even When You’ve Both Changed appeared first on The Good Trade.

Growing up, I had a small group of girlfriends at my school, and we did just about everything together—sleepovers on school nights, working as hostesses at the same restaurants, teaching one another how to drive a stick shift in the school parking lot. In the spring of senior year, we went to prom as a large group, protesting any notion that we needed to wait for the boys to ask us to attend. We bought fancy dresses and took photos at sunset. We danced in a circle in the middle of the dance floor.

I knew deep down our group would eventually dwindle. When we left for college, we did our best to stay connected across state lines and by spending every moment together on holidays and summer vacations. But the distance and years eventually pulled us in different directions. Everyone made new friends, pursued serious careers, found love, had children. 

In my coming of age and bouncing around to new jobs and cities, I haven’t found or maintained a “friend group” like that one in my adult years. Instead, it’s been a friend or two with shared interests, sometimes one or two sets of couples to invite over for movie nights. But there hasn’t been anything quite like that intimate friend group from my younger years. And I’ll admit, sometimes it feels like I may be missing out. 

I haven’t found or maintained a “friend group” like that one in my adult years.

When I see other groups of adult friends together, it’s difficult not to experience a sense of longing. Who wouldn’t want a friend group to invite over for fancy dinner parties or to travel with on vacations? Even as an introvert who often prefers one-on-one interactions, there is something attractive about finding your people and then doing life with them. 

Perhaps that’s because there is something special about having a close-knit group of people in your life. I’m one of four siblings, and my favorite memories are with my brother and sisters and their significant others. 

But while I’ve grown to appreciate that friend groups can be truly magical, I’ve also grown more interested in the depths of my relationships rather than the number of people in my life. Age has taught me that it’s not about the number of friends you have but the quality of your relationships. We can have a large group of friends, but sometimes those connections lack deeper meaning if we’re not investing ourselves in those individual relationships.

Finally—and I think we forget this part—we can create new friend groups by inviting our individual friends to meet and spend time together. It may not always be a good fit, but often, more than not, it is. Your friends may be more similar than you think and might become friends with one another too. The beautiful thing about relationships is that, like us, they are always evolving.

So, is it okay to not have a friend group? Is it truly the more, the merrier? I don’t think so. But that’s ultimately for you to decide.

Kayti Christian (she/her) is the Managing Editor at The Good Trade. She has a Master’s in Nonfiction Writing from the University of London and is the creator of Feelings Not Aside, a newsletter for sensitive people.

The post Is It Okay To Not Have A “Friend Group”? appeared first on The Good Trade.

“Stay close to the people who feel like sunlight”

– Xan Oku

Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve come to accept the inevitability that friendships evolve. I’ve also learned the early signs in relationships that tell me whether it will last or be a temporary connection. The key, I’ve discovered, is to be flexible and allow friendships to be exactly what they’re meant to be. 

The below guidelines have been helpful anchor points in my journey of discovering who my real, life-long friends are. They’ve helped to create standards for building lasting friendships. Likewise, the below tips have helped navigate the ending of relationships with acceptance. Not all friendships are meant to last forever—and that’s okay.

Find friends who really see you

When we surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us, they’re more likely to see us for who we truly are. This, of course, helps build deeper relationships and allows us to feel more secure. 

Notice when you find yourself trying to be someone you’re not or overthinking what to say or do in a relationship. For a friendship to last through the many seasons of life, you have to feel seen and loved for who you truly are. Look for friends who are excited about your dreams and goals, who tell you what they love about you, or who simply laugh alongside you. These small acts can provide a foundation for feeling appreciated and known.

Prioritize quality time

Life is busy, and it can be challenging to spend quality time with our friends. Yet, it’s an important building block for deepening any relationship. Not all relationships need an excessive amount of quality time; however, it should be a shared value for a friendship to thrive and grow. If only one of you is prioritizing quality time, this may be a sign the friendship is more surface-level.

Look for reliability

For friendships to flourish, it’s important that both parties commit to reliability, upholding plans, and communicating wants and needs. When these important cornerstones are not being fulfilled, it may be a red flag that the friendship isn’t going to thrive.

Take note of a friend who cancels plans often, has a hard time opening up, or lacks consistent communication.

Take note of a friend who cancels plans often, has a hard time opening up, or lacks consistent communication. This may be a sign that, for whatever reason, they are unable to invest in your friendship right now. This can be hard to not take personally. And, of course, it’s necessary to communicate as we all go through seasons of life where other priorities take precedence. Ultimately, it comes down to friendship being a two-way dance, which we’ll talk more about below.

Be gracious to friends during seasons of change

Friendships can change during different seasons.  This has been especially true for me since becoming a mother. Though my group of friends has stayed the same in many ways, I’ve seen some of my relationships shift. I’ve noticed communication has become more challenging, as well as spending intentional time with one another. I’m still navigating these changes while trusting that seasonal changes don’t necessarily mean a relationship has to end; rather, it changes. 

The reality is that we don’t always move through life’s stages at the same time. Ideally, we grow alongside one another, but sometimes a friendship isn’t meant to serve us in a particular chapter, and that’s okay. 

Acknowledge that friendship is a two-way dance

When we feel we’re the ones carrying the friendship, either by always making plans or reaching out, it can feel exhausting. Both people in the relationship must find a balance in fostering the friendship—it cannot be just one person. 

A one-sided connection can also feel hurtful. Try not to take it personally, and if it feels right, consider sharing with your friend how you feel. If they’re receptive, it can open the conversation for a caring foundation. Yet, if it goes right back to feeling one-sided, it may be time to let the friendship go. 

Building and maintaining lasting friendships is a life-long journey. And, like with all relationships, it comes with many ups, downs, twists, and turns. What are some of your rules for cultivating lasting friendships? Share in the comments below.

Courtney Jay is a writer at The Good Trade. She is also a yoga instructor, health enthusiast, and sustainable fashion advocate. You can find more of her writing and take one of her online yoga classes on her website, Coincide.

The post How To Recognize Real Friends appeared first on The Good Trade.

When I was 25, I experienced an unplanned pregnancy, followed by an enormously difficult postpartum period. Anyone who’s had an unplanned pregnancy will understand the catch-up game that you play for the first years of your baby’s life when you had neither put aside financial resources nor planned your life around the arrival of another. 

When I fell pregnant, I left my job and my life in Bangkok, Thailand, where I’d been living, and flew home to my small seaside hometown to live back with my parents. I had planned on traveling through Southeast Asia and then applying for my master’s degree. Instead, I was unemployed, without healthcare, and back home with my folks in South Africa. To say I felt like a failure was an understatement. Despite planning a home birth that I thought would be empowering, childbirth ended up being traumatic, to the point where I suffered from PTSD afterward that required years of therapy and medication. 

“I remember thinking: we are about to be—permanently, irrevocably—a one-child family, society’s expectations be damned.”

My relief, then, when my partner told me he was getting a vasectomy, was two-part. I remember thinking: we are about to be—permanently, irrevocably—a one-child family, society’s expectations be damned. I was also deeply thankful never to have to worry that we’d repeat the same shock-recover cycle that was my first few years of parenthood. We could finally have stress-free sex without spending every intimate moment together worrying that the condom would break or or or. 

The vasectomy signaled the official closing of a chapter; the shutting of a door (insert any number of clichés that connote the end of something). It put to bed all the number of scenarios about potentially expanding our family, scenarios that constantly flitted through my mind like flies that needed swatting.

What if we have another child? What if we want one later on? What if our son needs a sibling?

Don’t get me wrong: in theory, I’d love to have more kids. In theory. I’d love for my son to have a sibling to play with and for him to grow up knowing that he had that kind of forever friend who’d always have his back. I really, really wish I had it in me to want this badly enough to slog through the pregnancy cravings, broken sleep and, eventually, toddler tantrums. But the truth is that I struggled enormously during my postpartum period, and, having bipolar disorder, there’s a high chance I’d struggle with my mental health again. 

“Is it so wrong that I simply don’t want to do any of it again?”

Nevermind the nine months of gestation or its aftermath, the cracked nipples and 3 a.m. feeds, baby-proofing my house. My son had silent reflux and fitful sleep that interrupted my own and made me feel like a milk-filled maniac for the first few years of his life. Is it so wrong that I simply don’t want to do any of it again?

There’s also the climate crisis: a not-so-small detail in the whether-or-not-we-should-have-kids conversation (although, forgive me, I’ve written it in as a footnote here). As Jessica Gaitán Johannesson wrote in (Not) Bringing Children Into a World in Crisis for LitHub, “We have never seen a world like this one before.” I’m not sure I can parent another child through it, not knowing what kind of future is waiting for them. 

For a very long time, I dreamed about my future children. I saw my son’s face before he was born and another child’s in a daydream I had during yoga class in my 20s. And while dreamwork is an important aspect of being a writer, living in or through this world is not possible, not when the tangible is right in front of me in all its terrifying, beautiful flesh and blood. 

My partner’s vasectomy has wiped these dreams from my mind, and this extra mental space has given me room to reimagine my life—our lives—and to play with the time that we’ve been given rather than yield to the what ifs of imaginary beings. We’re learning and relearning our shape as a family of three, stretching our limbs into the spaces and feeling for the give, for the more that awaits us as we all grow up together. Without a small baby’s feeding or nap schedule to dictate our days, it’s easier for us to plan trips, go out at the drop of a hat or be spontaneous. I can concentrate on other aspects of my life, like my writing career and my rich friendship circle, and appreciate my little boy for the unique person that he is growing up to be without seeing him as someone’s potential big brother. Mornings of lime milkshakes and beach walks and afternoons filled with wooden sword-building and Nerf gun wars await.

There was a curious happiness that overtook me the day that my partner had the actual procedure. All too often, the onus is placed on the partner who has the uterus to control their fertility, whether that’s staying on the pill, getting an IUD or tying your tubes, and so I was grateful that my partner was taking this into his hands. I realized that for the first time since I’d fallen pregnant with our son, it was my partner who was now in the hot seat and undergoing a procedure for our family. I didn’t have to endure an internal examination or the cool gel of the ultrasound wand, or the invasiveness of childbirth. Splayed legs and IUD insertions and gigantic, pill-inflated breasts were about to be a thing of the past. 

In turn, I had to respect his need to regain his sense of bodily autonomy after years of fearing another contraceptive failure. 

“With this gentle ceasing of what ifs has come a sense of peace and togetherness that I hadn’t anticipated.”

There are no longer any dream children wafting through my mind. Those imaginary beings are gone, and with this gentle ceasing of what ifs has come a sense of peace and togetherness that I hadn’t anticipated. In the past, I handed over my body to doctors to bring life into this world, and now, in a fitting tribute to our health and future happiness, in a move that has embodied all his love and familial responsibility, my partner has handed his body over to doctors to stop it. And nothing has ever made me feel so loved or cherished.

Megan Ross is a writer, editor and journalist from South Africa. She is the author of Milk Fever (uHlanga Press), a poetry collection, and has received critical acclaim for her short fiction, essays and poetry. She currently lives on the Wild Coast with her partner and son.

The post Joy To The ‘Snip’—How I Know We’re Not Having Another Baby appeared first on The Good Trade.

My mother was lying half asleep with her eyes closed in a hospital room after heart surgery and suffering from a stroke. She periodically spoke, mostly random thoughts, and I was cherishing all of them. “I long for my husband,” she said through tears, and I tried to console her by saying that Dad’s spirit was with us in the room. “You are lucky you had such a good husband for 36 years, I still haven’t found one,” I reminded her. She suddenly opened her eyes, turned her head, and pointed at me. “Stop looking!” she said. And then she closed her eyes and fell asleep. 

I am a 52-year-old woman. I’ve never been married, and I have no children. I’ve never actually been engaged. (Supposedly some rings were purchased, but I never saw them.) I think there were about three men that I seriously considered marrying or becoming their lifelong partner. I’ve lived an unconventional life, both personally and professionally. I enjoy a freedom that allows me to explore and develop my interests—ocean swimming, painting, mosaics, writing, traveling, hiking, psychology, meditating, and cooking—and I’ve grown very accustomed to living alone. I cherish my independence. I am happily single but sometimes yearn for a partner that will enhance my life. I don’t want drama and constant complications. I won’t tolerate bread crumbs from a man because I know I deserve the full loaf.

“I won’t tolerate bread crumbs from a man because I know I deserve the full loaf.”

I have dabbled in online dating over the past few years, dating men between the ages of 45 to 65. Those dates have given me enough material for a stand-up comedy routine. There was the math professor who revealed he had a foot fetish and a small “member” on our first date; the newly separated guy who agreed to a monogamous relationship and then after a few weeks, asked if we could make out with other people; the seemingly nerdy guy who told me that he and his ex-wife regularly participated in threesomes; the engineer, who hoarded electronic equipment and slept with a large synthesizer; and the techie dude whose house was ruled by his operating system and was offended when I jokingly made rude comments to “Siri.”

I’ve used about four different online dating platforms throughout the years. They are all pretty similar, although the newer sites seem more impersonal with the swiping left and right features. I typically look at all the pictures and read the content unless the main photo is a turn-off—such as bathroom selfies, a picture of a couple, anyone wearing MAGA gear, or a guy who looks like he just rolled out of a cardboard box on the street. Other red flags include using a moniker rather than a real name; no occupation listed; a list of all the things they don’t want in a partner; sexual comments; men in “open” relationships; or couples looking for a threesome. 

When I do match with someone, and we seem to have a good connection, I will share my number after a message exchange—sometimes the same day, sometimes after a few weeks. I would rather speak to the person and get a feeling for them sooner rather than later. I tend to like men who are decisive and want to actually talk and meet within a week or two. I don’t have the bandwidth to message over a long period of time with several men. 

First dates are usually meeting for coffee or over a meal. I rarely get nervous anymore, and I dress appropriately for the location, which I often pick—quiet locations where you can actually hear each other well. I also let a friend know about the date, and I text them after to let them know I’m safe.

“My mother died three weeks after she told me to ‘Stop looking!’ The phrase lingers in my mind and heart.”

My mother died three weeks after she told me to “Stop looking!” The phrase lingers in my mind and heart. The message seemed divine because she rarely spoke the last few months of her life and often wasn’t very alert. When she said that phrase, she came to life in that brief instance, imparting her wisdom. But when December approached last year—the first holiday season without my mother—I felt lonely and vulnerable, so I hopped back online. I met a man who was hilarious, creative, and empathetic regarding the loss of my mother. He was also recently separated, between jobs, and admitted to addiction issues, so I knew it was not going to last. After a month, we decided to part as friends.

My mother’s words “Stop looking!” streamed back into my consciousness as I felt like I failed her and myself with that final online dating experience. I had already vowed to “stop looking,” but I dated him anyway, even though I knew it wasn’t going to last. Then I realized I didn’t fail—I was simply human and wanted some comfort and distraction during the first holiday season without my mother. That last brief online dating experience served as a good reminder that online dating wasn’t the healthiest option for me.

The following Warsan Shire quote sums up my attitude about entering into a relationship, “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”

Stefanie Vallejo Monahan is a special education teacher in San Luis Obispo County, CA. She has a BA in Journalism and a MA in Special Education. She enjoys spending time in nature, travel, organic foods and creative endeavors. She is the proud aunt of 6 nieces and 3 nephews.

The post What Online Dating In My 50s Taught Me About Myself appeared first on The Good Trade.